California Dreaming
by Squalid
Summary: AxelRoxas, Rikuso, Cleon, ZexDem: It seemed like a good idea at first, a family Road Trip to California. But, obviously, that is not so true. With perverted stowaways, drag queen hotel owners, and an evil van, there isn't much left to fall back on.
1. Chapter 1

**My First story?**** Well, ****fanfic****? Yeah, pretty much.**

**Written while watching the CSI marathon.**** Hah.**

**P****airings: ****AkuRoku****RikuSo****, Cleon, ****ZexionDemyx**

**Genres: Humor/Romance/Adventure**

**Warnings: Bad Humor, Road Rage, Perverseness, And a Possibility of men in Drag.**

**

* * *

****Chapter One:**** Tiptoe Through the Tulips****

* * *

**

"Surprise, surprise!" Leon stood before several zombie-like figures—all of their hair mussed with the sense of being woken up. Glazed, half-lidded eyes stared (read: glared) at the man, who was grinning like a fat man who had broken into a buffet.

"What?" A brown-haired teen mumbled gruffly as he wiped the now-dried drool off of his face. And, from his irked and tense posture, he wasn't too happy to be talking to the man.

"Since Cloud and I are such kind people," he said, ignoring the round of guffaws and snorts that followed, "we've decided that we would take you all with us on our honeymoon!"

And, suddenly, the air felt a bit lighter; the since then murderous atmosphere metamorphosed into a jovial and loving one. Eyes became more focused, smiles seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and all attention was focused on Leon.

A blond-haired figure straightened up with excitement. "Where are you going?!"

"Road Trip to Venice Beach, California. That's where, Roxas." Leon's normally-thinned lips quirked upwards in a smile, and he clapped his hands together. "So, who's coming?"

"A nice beach, away from here?" Roxas jumped up-and-down with as much fervor as a small child with Pixie Stix. "And Sora's going to come, too."

Sora, who had jumped as his name was called, nodded with just as much force. "D'uh! You can't have a California party without the other twin! That's blasphemy!"

As the two boys laughed, the other two figures just stared at each other. One seemed to be around 19, with bangs that outgrew the rest of his hair. His still-unfocused eyes were locked onto the older woman's, who stared blankly back at him.

"Zexion," the woman's voice was fierce, and demanded attention. Her normally cerulean eyes were darkened, and she almost growled. "You _are_ going with them. I hope you know this."

"But, mom," Zexion's cool, calculated voice spoke with a hint of annoyance. "That will never work. Both Leon's and Cloud's cars are much too small to carry the twins, Riku, Demyx, and me. That's seven people in a car meant for five. That's not counting the luggage."

The teen was silent for a moment as the group digested the information. Then, Zexion spoke again.

"And besides, I want to stay home and read!" He turned to his mother again with large, watery eyes. "I _hate_ nature!"

"Get over it." Leon laughed. "Because, Zex, we've looked over that problem."

"Really?" The stoic teen raised a skeptical brow, and crossed his arms over his large and bony chest. "And, that is?"

"Axel."

There was a pregnant pause as the occupants of the dim-lit room tried to add Axel's self into the predicament. Sora stared at Roxas, who gave up and stared at Zexion, who shrugged—rather drolly—who looked to Leon for explanation. All the while, their mother was giggling.

Leon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in a fit of impatience. "What kind of automobile does Axel drive?"

"That hideous, ghastly, perverted hippie-mobile," Roxas hissed out bitterly, pouting.

"Exactly!" Leon rolled his heather grey eyes as realization hit all their faces. But soon jumped when Roxas let out an anguished cry.

"That means he's coming along!" Roxas let out a very manly shriek, and began to shake Sora violently, the other's head snapping around viciously.

"Oh, hush up." Leon sent Roxas a look. "You're not going to be a little baby about this, are you?" He smirked at the scandalized expression that adorned the blond's features. And he mentally praised the gods that the child had finally shut up.

"So," he coughed into his fist, as everyone jumped to his attention, "tomorrow, I want you all to be ready by noontime. If you aren't, then you're not going. Do you all _understand_?" He let out a particularly animalistic growl to prove his point. The audience, including mom, gulped and nodded. And he turned about-face, and marched out of the room.

Before he left, though, he sent them all a triumphant look, like a pleased lion looking down on his prey.

"Y'all my bitches."

* * *

The next day seemed to have arrived faster than expected, with the sound of a newly-installed alarm clock ringing in a certain room. The shrill and ear-popping voice of Tiny Tim wafted throughout Sora's senses, and he let out a disgusted groan. Why was there music so early in the morning? It sounded like the devil was ear raping his ears.

But then another screeching sound wafted through his ears, and he nearly gagged. He never thought he would hear such a horrific noise. Considering it was coming from his near mirror-image..

Well, that just made him want to go on a chocobo-strangling rampage.

"_Oh-h_," Roxas' voice permeated the walls rather brusquely. Sora attempted to smother the noise with his Spongebob Squarepants pillow, but to no avail.

"_Won't you tip-toe through the tulips, with me-__e-__e__?!"_

An uncharacteristic growl rumbled at the underbelly of his throat, and he ripped the alarm clock from the socket with a violent tug, and threw it at the wall that shielded Roxas. It hit the cornflower blue wall roughly, denting it with a vengeance before flopping to the floor. And on the other side, he heard a surprised squawk, followed by several violent crashes; and his name was cursed.

"Love you, too, Rox!" The teen laughed—his revenge worked! No one would ever disturb him again! With a disturbing chortle, he grabbed his cell phone from his nightstand and checked it: 10:04.

Soon after checking the time, he gasped, checked the time again, and squealed; toppling off the bed in a tango of limbs, sheets, and plushies. He glared crossly at his St. Patrick's Day TY™ bear, which gazed innocently back. Then, without warning, he threw that at the other wall.

"Roxas!"

There was a brief pause, followed by an irked, "What do you want?" from the other room. Sora snorted gracefully, and freed himself from the hold his bed sheets had on him. He straightened himself and stared at the wall before him.

"Why didn't you wake me up, like, two hours ago?"

And, on his mother's grave, he could've sworn he heard a smug shrug. "I dunno—because?"

"Jerk," Sora mumbled to himself, glaring at the sharpie-induced patterns that adorned the wall. The lopsided shaped conformed with each other to produce two figures—Sora and Roxas. They were drawn out of proportion; arms drawn larger than legs, and eyes higher than the other.

Sora couldn't help but smile at that memory. Back when they were seven, and had moved into the house, the twins went to work on "marking their territory." They had stolen all of Leon's black sharpie markers, and had locked the door. Then, on what Roxas would identify as some sort of Sharpie-high, they went to work on drawing their freshly-dried wall.

And when their mom found out, it was worth the trouble. Sora snorted.

"What ya' looking at?" A voice threw him from his nostalgic memories, and he turned to glare weakly at Roxas, who was still smirking. He threw his head back with a sigh, and sat up off of his bed.

"You're ugly mug," was the irritated, yet playful, response, and Sora brushed passed his twin. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to take a horrible, quick shower."

With that, the door was slammed in the towel-clad teen's face, and the blond laughed. He truly loved his brother. Sora had his quirks. And by that, he meant a lot.

A sudden pang of, how do you say, _guilt_ hit Roxas like a ton of bricks. The teen sighed, before he began to rummage through Sora's draws. And, as he stole a pair of Sora's Mickey Mouse boxers, he began to pack for the disorganized brunette.

By the time Sora finished his so-called "short shower," Roxas had packed everything but toothpaste, a toothbrush, and socks for the other.

And when Sora emerged with a panic-stricken look on his face, the blond only chuckled lightly and pointed to the luggage on his bed. And when Sora's face lit up with sheer joy and adoration for Roxas, the boy only grinned at what he had planned.

After all, Sora looked like a good bodyguard.

* * *

At approximately 11:59 a.m., dandelion yellow Volkswagen van crawled to a halt at the end of the parking lot. It seemed to stare down the four figures who all made different faces at it.

It's circular, beady headlights glared down Zexion; taunting him with its smug knowledge of how much insane this trip will make him. Zexion glared back just as easily, sending it messages of doom, paint thinner, and broken rear-view mirrors.

The van seemed to become less apprehensive, but still kept a smug air; daring Zexion to do it.

"Oh," Zexion said aloud, cackling softly, "I will. You just wait and see, you evil, stupid van."

And the engine sputtered.

The rest of the party, ignoring Zexion's comment/battle with the automobile; let out ceremonious groans as they hoisted bags upon their shoulders and trekked toward the car.

Roxas was the first to sigh complain, letting out an angered huff of air. "It's hot out.. Why? Isn't the North-East supposed to be cold?!"

"Shut up," Leon muttered, shoving the back of Roxas' head with exaggerated force. The blond when stumbling forward, howling, as his face kissed grass. He lay there, motionless, as the party already inside the van laughed at him.

He heard the opening and closing of a car door, and footsteps approaching him. Silently, he prayed that it was anyone but _him_.

"Need some help?" A cool, almost teasing voice asked, and Roxas felt the twinge of underlying amusement. The blond groaned into the the dirt and pushed himself up.

"No," he muttered, spitting out a clot of dirt in the process. Letting out what could be called a relaxing sigh; Roxas stood and brushed himself off. He turned his gaze toward the figure who came to him, and let out an involuntary twitch when he notices the figure's hair matched his face.

A shock of brick red hair went down a little past the person's shoulder, framing his face wildly and making his appearance resemble moreso a lion. His would-have-been pale face was home to two tattoos—one below each eye—that resembled tear drops. And his eyes resemble two large pieces of jade. He would've been gorgeous, if it weren't for the shit-eating grin that he sported.

"Axel," Roxas spat, sending him a glare that promised a vacation of pain, "if you—"

In a sporadic outburst, the redhead burst into laughter, pointing a shaking finger at Roxas. "Y-You fell!"

"No shit." The teen let out a growl and stormed over to the van; attempting in vain to rip off the sliding back door as he threw in his bag and hopped inside.

"'Ello, Roxas!" A mulleted teen squealed, grinning and holding his right hand in a gesture that called for a high five. He stared at Roxas with an eager and awaiting face, and the blond rolled his eyes.

"'Sup, Demyx?" His right palm connected with the others, and he grinned at the other, before settling in the far back next to his brown-haired brother.

"Rough fall?" Sora sent a teasing smile at Roxas, who punched the twin's shoulder. The blond sighed and squeezed himself in between Sora and Riku, the boy Roxas deemed his "my twin's silver-haired stalker."

"Hello, Roxas." Aforementioned "stalker" smiled at the blond, who shrugged in response.

"You're looking more like an old man today, Riku," Roxas muttered, his foul mood dripping from his words. He sent an aggravated look to the aquamarine-eyed teen, who frowned in response.

"Down in the dirt, eh?"

"Fuck you."

"Fuck _all_ of you," growled a voice from the front of the car. All eyes turned to a blond-haired man, who sent icy looks to all of the passengers. "Now, are we all going to be good?"

"Ye-Yes sir!" Every person behind the driver's and passenger's seats straightened up and nodded.

"Good." The man seemed to purr. That, in turn, caused Sora to bellow out a loud snort of laughter, which he immediately tried to cover up.

"Sorry!"

But everyone ignored him, and the ignition started up, spluttering and groaning.

* * *

They saw the traffic, and suddenly a ceremonious sigh could be heard throughout the car. All bodies within the vehicle elbowed and muscled their way into comfortable positions. Groans and curses mixed their way into the hullaballoo as bodies tried to pull out knick knacks and such to occupy them for the wait.

"Don't you just _love_ traffic?" The sarcastic voice of Axel drawled, as he bit his nails and held them in the air. Several mumbles followed, and Axel chuckled. "Yep."

"I know," Sora jumped with excitement, shaking Roxas awake after the blond attempted to sleep on the brunette's shoulder, "let's sing a song!"

"How about no!" Zexion clapped his hands together, and shot him the fakest smile known to man.

The rejected teen pouted. "You're so rude.."

"Well," the dark-haired teen gave a nonchalant shrug, "I don't want to hear your nails-on-a-chalkboard voice in a monster van, in the middle of summer traffic on the way to freakin' Boston!" The boy began to hyperventilate, his brows drawing together in frustration. "This vehicle is eating away at my _soul_! Do you not _understand_ that?!"

"Err," Sora fidgeted nervously for a moment, his right arm rising to habitually play with his twin's hair, as the left hand drummed on his thigh. "Okay.. Maybe later."

"Good." Riku sighed, pulling out his Game Boy, and putting in a red-colored cartridge. "Now I can play Pokémon in peace."

After the former sentence was whispered, a pregnant pause followed. All eyes were on Riku, before Demyx burst out into a fit of joyful laughter.

"You're so _retarded_!"

Riku's face contorted into a nasty grimace, and he held his Game Boy in a throwing stance. "What you say, bitch?"

And, just as Demyx was about to repeat his sentence, a loud squeal was emitted from the way back. All eyes turned to Sora and Roxas, who both sent them all highly offended looks. They pointed to the large duffel bag behind them, and simultaneous gulps were heard.

"Is it some psycho killer?" Axel let out a slight whimper, and clung to an irritated Zexion.

"No, it's—" He was cut off as the bag opened up with a rather tremendous force, and all the men saw was yellow, before a lone figure emerged.

"Did I miss it?!" A girly, yet boisterous, voice squealed again. The figure jumped Riku, and her eyelashes batted dreamily. Have you made out with your brother, yet?!"

"No!" Riku looked scandalized. "Selphie, you sick freak!"

"I'm just a dreamer!" The girl sighed, her eyelashes fluttering. Her hands went to her chest, and she took a deep breath. "Gay love: It's so beautiful!"

All eyes were on her, even Leon's—who was supposed to be eyeing the road. That caused him to barely miss a Dodge Avenger, and he swerved to miss it. His eyes locked with the carpool lane, and he let out a vicious growl. He then swerved over four lanes of traffic, laughing as cars and trucks honked at him, and vulgar gestures were thrown at him.

"That was so hot!" Selphie squealed, as she pulled out a camera. "Now, Cloud, all you need to do is make out with your beloved, and drive off into the sunset!"

"Hit her, Riku!" Cloud sent him a desperate look. The silver-haired teen put on a determined look, and held his Game Boy up in the air.

And the last thing she saw was the laughing face of Axel, as the game system collided with her cranium.

* * *

**Not too funny, but beginnings never are. The fuck is up with that?**

**Get on with the ****snogging**

**Not yet. Woe is thee, eh? Hah. Well, I can't wait until the end, because I have something cool in mind with good ****ol****' ****Xiggy****. (Insert evil cackle).**

**Anyhow, stay tuned! And I promise that I will insert more comedy! ****Très**** amusante!**

**Good ****day to you all!**


	2. Boston Outskirts

_**Yay! But, I r t3h suxx. Lawl.**_

_**Nah, chill. I'm going to try to update every/ every other day! How sex?! I know!? Skat.**_

_**Blahblah. Conan pwns.**_

_**KINDUM HARTZ IZ TTLY PWNT BAI SQUAREPENIX. KLOLBAI.**_

_**

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**_**Chapter Two: Hide the Body****

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**

It took four moody teens, three bottles of water, and Leon's own rendition of Beethoven's 5th scherzo (done magically by only a car horn and his own annoyed voice), but they had finally ditched a somehow still-unconscious Selphie at their nearest Seven-Eleven.

And, as they drove off in their own "victorious" silence, they noticed that two out of the eight persons occupying the bus were not sitting smug in their seats alongside them.

"Sora.. Roxas," Cloud craned his head so it faced the back seat, with a final look on his face. "it had to be done."

"Whatever.." They two teens, who still muttered hateful words underneath their breaths, were unaware that Selphie was, without a doubt, safe from harm.

Because she'd found a friend.

"So," Selphie whistled a nervous tune and danced on the balls of her feet, "Xigbar.."

"Huh?" The man let out a small grunt of acknowledgement, as his eye scanned the aisles surreptitiously for any food that would fit in his pockets/pants. After he filled him self to almost a suspicious level, he sent Selphie a crass look.

"You ride with me, you steal with me."

"Okie dokie!"

"Good girl. Do you know how to bag?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. How about the metric system?"

"Yes, actually. I believe that all should know the metric, therefore, I learned aformentioned measuring system."

A cackle. "Great. You can come along. I'm going to Oregon."

"Sweet!" Selphie clapped her hands spastically. "I'm pumped, yo'!"

"'Kay, man." Xigbar nodded, and fixed his eyepatch with a distracted look. "Can you be more pumped than a lion?"

"Huh?" The girl cocked her head to the side, her lips pursed in thought as she pondered the question.

"Can you guard my shit?"

"Ew! I'm not touching your poo!"

A loud slap was heard, for Xigbar had just tried to inflict more brain cell damage than the previous conversation.

"Nevermind.."

* * *

Axel was never one for dull, lifeless music. Oh contraire-- he rather enjoyed music that was so twisted and loud that if small animals were to listen to it for more than three minutes, they would probably attempt to eat their own ears.

Also, it was a known fact that Axel would never be considerate. Herego, as Riku so kindly kept his music down to allow others sounds to themselves, his Tchaikovsky now sounded like a mockingbird being strangled with a doorbell.

"Do you mind?" Riku's aquarmarine eyes narrowed in annoyance, as he rougly ripped off on of the redhead's earphones.

"Yes," Axel sang, his smirk hidden by a hand, "I mind. I mind that you've so _rudely_ abused my sensitive ears by ripping off my headphones with that vicious manner!"

"Always playing the victim.." Riku broke off into an annoyed set of huffs and curses.

But, for the benefit of the poor (evil, Zexion would counter) van, Axel turned his trashcan-banging down several decibals.

For such, Riku let out a contented sigh. Sometimes all it took was patience. '_And a kick-ass, sexy face._' And Riku subconsciously nodded at Inner Riku's reasoning. Yes, it took a sexy face.

'_A sexy face with pouty lips, framed by angelic, nickel-colored hair. And, of course, it helps to have a face sculpted by Michelangelo incarnate. Yes, I am a sight to behold._'

Riku swore he felt drool sliding its way down his chin at molasses-speed, but he ignored it as the breaks were suddenly slammed on.

"We're here." Leon threw open the driver's seat door and stormed off into the horizon-- or the motel entrance.

Twenty seconds later, when Riku and Co. traipsed in, they immediately were swallowed by.. Pink. Lots, and lots of pink.

And flowers.

Yes. Definitely flowers. Pink flowers, too. (Surprise!)

"Like--" At the exuberance of the voice, all members of the party jumped, even Leon, "You're totally the crew that's staying here, _right_?! Right?"

"Pink hair," Sora mumbled, his eyes wide. Riku sniggered at the brunette's awed tone-- 'Twas too cute.

"You like?!" The pink-haired man practically flew over toward Sora, who went from admiring to awe-struck. He grabbed the brunette and began to shake him.

"Y-Ye-Yes?!" The small teen looked ready to cry.

"Sweet!"

Sora was promptly dropped on his ass, and he let out a squeal. "My.. My god."

"I know! I love it, too." The man giggled, winked at Zexion (who, in turn, cringed), before shaking Cloud's hand. "I'm Marluxia, sweetie. I run this pretty paradise." Another bout of giggles. "So, like, I have your rooms ready. But, I have one teensy-weensy favor to ask of your children.."

Cloud, never being one to turn down an event that would soon bring amusement, only nodded before asking what the favor was. "Go ahead, take them. They have life insurance.. I think."

"For reals?"

"Fo' reals."

"You're the total mac, sir."

"Please, call me Cloud."

"Well, Cloud," Marluxia graced the man with a blinding smile. "you've made me the happiest motel owner ever."

"Glad I could do that," was the response, followed by another smile.

"Be down here by ten, boys!" There was the prompt sound of keys being slammed on the counter, and the man skipped out of the room.

"I'm scared.."

"Yeah, yeah," Leon waved a dismissive hand. "Just don't piss yourself, Demyx."

* * *

"9:55," Zexion muttered darkly, as he sat around his fellow teens in a dim-lit room. "Five more minutes."

"I say we steal the van and leave. Just leave," Demyx sent the twins a dark look when they raised their hands. "Shut up. Now. I don't care about your opinions right now. Stop trying to be the peacemakers."

"But--" Roxas was cut off by a pillow.

"I said no."

"But that was kind of mean," Sora mumbled, as he helped straigthen up his twin.

Demyx sent the boy a contemtuous look. "Want some, too?"

Silence. Sweet victory.

And then..

"Fuck! We just wasted four minutes and thirty seconds."

"Oh," Axel muttered with a dark expression, "of course we fuckin' did. How coincidental! I mean, we just _happen_ to waste that much time, huh? FUCK IT! There's no such thing as time anymore. I don't believe in it."

"Uh.." Roxas, who was by then cuddled alongside the pillow, gave the distraught teen a concerned look. "Axel?"

"Yes, m'love?" The man batted his eyelashes at the blond, who rolled his eyes.

"Shut up."

"Fuck you. We all live in a yellow submarine."

And before any retorts and sexual assaultage could go down, there was a loud bang on the door-- followed by a cheerful voice. "Boys!"

"If everyone's silent, maybe he'll assume we were eaten by giant muskrats," Sora whispered, clutching Roxas' arm.

"I will _never_ assume such a thing!" Marluxia let out what could be defined as the sound a constipated toddler would make, before the door was thrown open; and a large, pink blob stormed in.

"Shit," Riku snapped his fingers. "He has keys.."

"D'uh."

"Touché, good sir."

"Downstairs."

"Aye, aye. Let us just--"

"Now."

A round of squawks and squeals. "Okie doke.."

* * *

_**Lawl! BETCHU DUNNO WHAT MARLUXIA ISH GONNA MAKE THEM DO?! ;D**_

_**Rawr.**_

**_'Tis short, shoot me? BUT I REVIEW TOMORROW, KAY? Great! ;D_**

_**Review? kthx.**_


	3. Pretty Petals Motel & Eaterie

_**Ho-hum.**_

_**I'm sick. With the flu. Haha. kalsjd**_

_**Sicker than a crack whore on a Tuesday..**_

_**Thanks for reviews. :D**_

_**No own.**_

_**

* * *

**_**Chapter Three: I'm A Pretty Princess****

* * *

**

"Oh, Axel..!" Marluxia let out a squeal of pleasure, a sound Axel was sure should only come out of a person's mouth when they're about to climax, and rounded on the red-haired teen.

"Hm?"

Suddenly, an object was thrust in front of his face. A dusted pink outfit, to be exact-- decorated with frills and gold lining. No pant legs, as well.

"No." A cross look swept across Axel's pulchritudinous features, his lips twisting into a wretched gimace. Quickly, he shoved the outfit in the man's face, takining a few cautious steps back for good measure. "Make Riku, or Roxas! Hell, Sora! They're girly!"

"But," Marluxia pouted, "you have slender-er hips! They're very feminine.."

And then, in a fit of spurious rage, Axel threw the nearest object at the man. It happened to be Karl Marx's _Communist Manifesto_. He chuckled in a weak manner as the man recuperated. "Sorry. It's just, I'm insecure about my masculinity."

"Obviously," Marluxia muttered with a scoff, straightening his clothes and thrusting the dress in Axel's face. "On. Now. Or else I'll rip off your balls. Have you seen the movie _Hard Candy?_" Axel nodded a moment later, and Marluxia continued. "Just like that, sans the ice."

In a flash, Axel had locked himself in the nearest closet, and dressed. It took him a total of thirty minutes. Of course, aforementioned minutes did not pass by in peace. There were sporadic shouts and curses along the lines of, "This abomination is trying to _eat_ me!" and "I have a new-found respect for women.."

When he finally emergered-- donning the dress plus thigh-high stockings-- he was greated by a huge flash and a laughing Zexion. "I hate you all."

"Oh," Roxas snorted, but found himself unable to look at the redhead, "hush up. At least you don't look like yodelers gone wild.." Indeed, Roxas was dressed in perriwinkle Bavarian leather shorts that seemed to just happen to cut off before the crotch. His suspenders were bedazzled with rhinestones, and his yolder's hat had sewed-on hearts.

"M'Lord," Axel bit his lip and looked away, his face a bright red.

His eyes settled on Riku, who was clothed in a black and white checkered yukata with pink floral designs wrapping around the entire ensemble.. Axel made a face, and scurried his way over to the boy, who was wearing an equally sour face.

"Nice outfit.."

"Thanks," the silver-haired teen mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. He bangs fell in front of his eyes when he whispered, "Sora's dressed just as scantily as Roxas. He's a Dutch maiden."

"No way!" The man broke off in a fit of raucous laughter. "You're lying."

"No," Zexion countered, sidling up beside the two. "He speaks the truth. Sora's hiding in that bathroom over there." The teen threw his hand behind him in a general direction. "He refuses to come back out."

"Oh."

"Yeah.."

"Hm."

"Mm-hm."

"Hey.." Riku frowned at Zexion's lack of ridiculous attire. "How come you're not in one of his outfits?"

Zexion made a noncommital noise. "I told him I had crabs."

"Fair enough."

"Where's Demyx?" Axel raised a curious brow, looking around for the music-lover.

"Making tea," Zexion muttered, as he picked at the lint on his Nietzsche shirt to distract himself.

"I'm a pretty princess!" Demyx waltzed into the room wearing a goofy smile and something akin to a Disney princess dress. "Don't I look darling?!"

"No, not really," Axel deadpanned, laughing at the mulleted teen's crestfallen expression.

"You're just a hater. At least I don't look like a Japanese hooker." Demyx smirked at his comment, while Axel choked on his tea.

"Why I oughta--"

"Don't you all look just _swell_?" Marluxia squealed, and clapped his hands in a fit of glee.

"Dude," Roxas winced, "the fifties called, they want their lingo back."

"Nice try," Marluxia deadpanned, "no one says 'lingo' either, smartie."

"Damn."

"Now," Marluxia tapped his chin. "Where's Sora?"

"In the bathroom."

"Why?"

"I look stupid!" was the muffled retort of Sora, who had screamed through the walls.

"As do the rest of us," Axel remarked, tugging at the hem of his dress.

"I don't care."

"How old are you? Two?"

"No." By the sound of it, Sora was pouting. "You know that. It's just.. my ass is showing."

"Then put on underwear.." Roxas raised an eyebrow at the bathroom door.

"Marluxia stole my boxers!" Sora sniffled. "All I have is this red thong, and it's really itchy so I tool it off.."

"Just come out," Roxas pleaded. "The sooner you come out, the sooner we can take off these atrocious things."

"You think my work's atrocious?!" the rosy-haired man shot them all a pleading look. "I've been working on these my entire life!"

"They're not atrocious, per se.." Riku looked to Axel for help, but the redhead only shook his head with an equally lost look.

"It's just.. We're guys. And, uh, these are girly."

"Yeah."

"D'uh."

"Mine's cute, though," Demyx squealed, grinning at his golden dress. "I feel magical!"

"Shut up," Zexion glowered. "Demyx, don't ever do drugs."

"But--"

"Ever."

"Okay.."

"If you don't like them.." Marluxia refused to meet their gaze, opting for the kicked-puppy look as he kicked at the carpet. "Then just take them off.."

"Oh, thank god!" Roxas squealed in delight and lunged toward his Che Guevara shirt. His action was soon followed by Sora, who apologized to Marluxia before he scurried off to attain his "Anything War Can Do, Peace can Do Better," tee.

A brief interim of chaos ensued, as all party members in the room struggled to take off the outifts. Elbows were thrown about, as were fists (Zexion got punched in the chest), but everyone soon found themselves in their normal attire.

"We're very sorry," Sora apologized again. He held his head down low, and had on a guilty expression. "We.. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings. If you want, we can all chip in and buy and outfit or two."

"Oh," Marluxia purred at the brunette, as he began stroking the teen's locks, "you don't have to do that, doll. It's okay."

"But we _want_ to!" Sora sounded almost desperate. "It's the least we could do.."

"Well," the pink-haired man tapped his chin in a thoughtful gesture, before immediately breaking out in a cornea-popping grin. "If you ask like that-- how can I say no?"

Thus was the birth of many an awkward conversation from there on, out.

* * *

Zexion considered himself to be somewhat of a genius. Hell, he didn't get the best grades in the entire school for nothing. But, for the life of him, he could not understand his older brother.

Leon, it seemed, could take a totally traumatizing experience and treat it as nothing. But, when it came to the small stuff, he flipped. He would scream and yell and kick like a girl who got stood up on Homecoming night.

So he was not totally surprised-- though Leon still baffled him beyond reason-- that he had to wake up to the shrill and outraged cries of aforementioned man.

"What do you _mean_ we owe you an extra thousand?! I didn't buy _no_ dress! You're bullshitting me out of a _lot_ of money, Mister!"

"Why," Marluxia's sing-song voiced sounded to be concealing his utter amusement, "you didn't. But, that _adorable_ little brown-haired boy did! God bless hi--"

"_He did what?_"

Zexion could've sworn he heard Sora's wail of despair from the adjacent room. The slate-haired teen could've laughed, if he wasn't so fearful for his little brother's life.

It was then that he noticed that it went quiet. The eerie silence that people assume only takes place in movies like _Halloween_, before Mike Myers apparates out of nowhere and annihilates someone.

Moments later, though, three crisp knocks were heard on the door. Zexion saw Demyx jump to his right, and snorted.

"We're leaving."

"Okay."

Footsteps. Slowly, calmly walking away. Zexion heard through the thin walls the knocking on Sora's door. Followed by a squawk.

"We're leaving," was the muffled, and irked, statement.

"Y-Yes sir."

"Oh, and Sora?"

A tiny whimper. "Yes?"

"Sleep with one eye open tonight."

And then silence.

* * *

**Eff that. I strongly dislike this chapter. D:**

**Review? Tell me what you think?**

**Happy Martin Luther King day to you all.**


	4. Vermont

**Sunday sucked because the Patriots lost. My heart was, indeed, broken.**

**Monday was t3h pwnz00rz, only because of the O'Brien-Colbert-Stewart trifecta.**

**Merp.**

**I don't own.**

**

* * *

****Chapter Four: That's what HE said..****

* * *

**

Luxord scowled. The television, in response, quivered in fear. That, in turn, caused the satellite to go fuzzy. Luxord smash. Luxord smash _hard_.

But before every one's favorite foreinger could get his hands on that stupid, lying sunuvabitch TV, he was interrupted by the obnoxious ring of the door-- signaling that a fellow human being had entered his fine establishment.

The irate man mumbled a few pleasantries before emerging from his hidden trap-room. A pseudo-smile was already placed on his lips, and he began his mandatory hotel-sir greetings.

That was, until he had to dodge a very heavy-looking duffel bag. Said dufelbag that impaled itself into the key rack, causing aforementioned keys to explode in a cluster of numbers.

"What in the bloody--"

"My PlaySystem 2!" A wailing, blood-curtling scream followed the excalamtion, and the Brit began cursing the Americas underneath his breath.

"Pardon--"

"I told you _not_ to _touch_ my _ass_!"

"So?! You didn't have to fuckin'--"

"God-damnit! You Yankees better listen to me, or bloody hell I will throw my TV at you!" Luxord slammed his hand on the unsuspecting table, his eyes burning.

Silence. Then Leon cleared his throat.

"I apologize, sir."

"Better frickin' apologize." Luxord 'harrumph'ed and crossed his arms while the other party averted their gazes.

"Seeing as though it's a completely random time of year, and you're in middle-of-nowhere mountains, Vermont.. I take it you're the Leonhart party." Luxord spared a glance at the name that was scrawled on his Jack of Clubs.

"Er, yes.." Leon nodded, a bit apprehensive of the man. It wasn't that he was creepy, per se-- He just looked like he would mug you if you dared challenged him. Though, Leon had to be thankful, he assumed that no one within his little circle of trust was a gambler.

Leon quite liked his expensive leater coat, thank-you-very-much.

"Right.." The motel owner rolled his eyes, before scribbling down a medley of words. "Find some keys, they're on the floor--" As he said that, he sent indiscreet glances toward a sheepish Axel and Roxas, "and go to your rooms. Any troubles, work on it yourself." With that, the native Brit crawled back into his room.

* * *

"Asshole blonds and their stupid, retarded tempers.."

"Hey!" Demyx feigned a broken heart and leaned over the bed. Axel was hunched over on the floor, violating his PlaySystem with a screwdriver. Demyx was surprised the redhead could even see; with all hat hair covering his eyes.

Axel looked up at him, eyes wild and drool dribbling down his chin. Demyx was forced to take a precautionary step back, just in case the teen began to foam from the mouth.

"Uh.. Dude?" A deep, animal-like growl was the only response the mulleted teen received, and he let out a long-winded sigh. "Chill."

"Hell naw! I won't 'chill!'" Axel looked ready to toss Demyx out the nearest window. "My baby is broken!"

"You're addicted.."

"Whaddafuk? Is this an intervention?!" Axel began to turn every-which-way, distressed look in his eyes.

"Yes," was the flat reply, as Demyx shot him a deadpanned look. "As you can see, Axel, this is an intervention."

The redhead crossed his arms. "I can beat you up. I have, like, a foot on you."

"But you're also the male Twiggy." Demyx smirked, sitting back and fiddling the remote, Spongebob singing in the background. He picked at the thread in the pale cream comforter. His toes wiggled in his rainbow-colored socks as he ignored the dying-fish look that had taken home on Axel's face.

"I am _not_ skinny! I'm very muscular, thank you." He hugged his shoulders and wore a scandalized expression, much like an insecure teenage girl. Demyx couldn't help but chuckle.

"With those hips, I'm sure you're a manly-man underneath all them clothes."

Axel growled, punching his PlaySystem. The poor gaming device let out a noise akin to a downed giraffe, before the power button fell off. Axel choked on his saliva, tears forming in his eyes. "..Baby.."

"Karma," Demyx mumbled, his smirk taking on a smug undertone. Demyx would've felt remorse for his best friend, if it weren't for the fact that in the fourth grade, Axel had shoved crawfish down Demyx's pants. He had really loved those crustaceans, too..

"Kiss my ass," Axel bit out.

"Your ass isn't worth it," was the cool reply.

"That's what he said," Zexion pointed out, as he crawled through the window. The other two occupants in the room squawked and flailed as though the slate-haired teen were a rapist.

Demyx felt as though his heart was about to implode upon itself. So, he did what he could:

He chucked a shoe at Zexion's face. Said teen let out the howl of a dozen chimps being strangled, before nearly keeling over to his demise. If it weren't for his quick wit and cunning, he surely would've fallen.

"Demyx!" Zexion whimpered to himself as he pulled himself into the room. "Do you want to kill me?"

"No! Never!" To prove his point, the blond teen tackled his friend and proceeded to squeeze the life out of him.

Axel snorted, ruining the moment. "Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds to your own."

Within the span of a second, the two broke apart their hug-fest, their faces lit up crimson. Axel could only laugh. Zexion attempted to, in vain, hide the other half of his face. But Demyx, on the otherhand, looked utterly confused; opting to stare at Axel's smug expression in confusion.

"Karma."

And then he was out he door.

* * *

"Ka-me-ha-me-e-e-e-_ha!_" Sora, in an overly-dramatic gesture, wipped his sock at Roxas' face. Said teen let out a mock-scream and went tumbling backwards. He rolled on the floor like a man thrown out of a moving vehicle, before coming to a slow halt.

The grinning teen slowly sat up, holding his left arm and feigning a serious wound/heart attack. "Kakarot, how dare you?!"

"I'm sorry, Vegeta, but I cannot!" Sora stomped his foot in a heroic gesture, making sure not to step on the plastic humans beneath him. His hands were on is hips and he held his head up high, the ceiling the only object in his line of vision.

"You'd rather protect these.. these _things_?!" Roxas slowly stood, already in 'super-saiyan Roxy' mode. He threw his limp arm at his brother. And, to show his l33t strength, he stomped and kicked several plastic earthlings.

One lone figure died; his plastic head ripped off by his helmet. Off in the furthermost corner of the town, a widow wept. The funeral was held the next day, two-minutes pacific commercial time. The eulogy painted a tale of a man who fought for his planet. Yes, Miranda, Steve died a noble death. He shall be missed, love.

"Yes, Vegeta!"

"You are no _Saiyan_!" Roxas attacked his fellow brother. They fought, ignorant to the total anarchy below them. They annihilated homes, destroyed neighborhoods, and wiped towns clear off the maps.

Plastic women ran naked in the streets. Men wept and danced and drank. FEMA hid in the corner and watched, deciding to go along with said anarchy. Every man for themselves, yo'.

Plastic John Lennon came to life, and soon after a new Woodstock ensued. People ran naked, high. Every neighborhood reeked of plastic marijuana. Good times. Hare Krishna!

What a long, crazy trip it's been..

"I do not care!" Sora wailed, as he was tackled into the nearest wall. Roxas pinned the dark-haired teen, laughing manically. The other struggled to break free. "Damn you!"

Roxas scowled, attempting to hide his lopsided grin. "Kakarot! Why are you fighting so adamantly for these people?!"

"Not only them," Sora confessed. "Trunks, too. I must save him!" He sent a wild head gesture toward Riku, who was trying his best to watch _A Clockwork Orange_.

The teen paused his movie and sat up, sighing in annoyance as he did so. "Two things, boys. One, I am _no_ damsel-in-distress. And, two, isn't it Trunks that comes back to the past to save Goku?"

Both boys stared, mouths gaping. "Riku.. You're a closet Dragon Ball Z fan?!" Sora looked hurt that he did not know such a thing. Roxas could only gape. He had no witty comeback.

"Sora, you and Roxas are the nerdiest people I talk to. And I'm always hanging out with you.. I'm _bound_ to pick up some dorky tendencies.." Riku explained the situation as though he were talking to a group of five year olds with slight mental disabilities. Roxas didn't know whether or not he should be offended.

But both teens took it as a given, and went back to their wresting, Sora having taken notice that his hands were free. And as they rolled around on the floor, there was a knock on the door. Riku growled, being forced to pause his movie _yet again_, and stormed toward the door. Throwing it open, he was met by a grinning Axel, who immediately eyed the two twins wrestling.

"Oh, my!" The redhead squealed in delight, shoving Riku out of the way and forcing himself in. "Is that my Roxy? And is he _wrestling?!_"

Roxas immediately halted in his activies, his face burning bright. He scuttled onto his bed as though Axel had tried to take off his chastity belt. "No!"

Sora pouted, even if he realized the situation. He crossed his arms with a sour expression on his face. "Stupid Axel.."

"You callin' me stupid, squirt?" Axel sat down on the loveseat in the room, an eyebrow raised at the brunette. Sora stuck out his tongue.

"Jerk-off."

"Brat."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

"Fuck you!"

"That's what your mom did a couple days ago."

Sora looked scandalized. "My mom would _never_ sleep with you? She doesn't want crabs, okay?"

Now it was Axel's turn to be offended. "Why I oughta--"

"Shut the fuck up!" Riku slammed the remote against a wall. All people in the room screeched, before falling silent.

Basking in the temporary silence, Riku resumed his movie. And the cult classic was beautiful.

* * *

**This had NOTHING to do with Vermont! Bahaha!**

**Riku is Trunks 'cause they're both pretty. And, if you look hard enough.. Sora has Goku-styled hair, and Roxas has that super-saiyan up-do. Riiiight?**

**At least 7 reviews, plz?**

**I dunno. HARE KRISHNA!**


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